Give me a reason to live
by julezz30
Summary: Hermione is writting a suicidal note. She writes about the hunt for the horcruxes and her love for Draco. please R


**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything from this story belongs to J.K. Rowling, I'm just borrowing it.**

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Give Me A Reason To Live

There is no reason for me to live. I have done what was expected of me. I have helped "the boy-who-lived" to make the Dark Lord mortal. I have been there for my best friend to take his anger and frustration out on me. I have fallen in love with my best friends enemy. I had my heart broken. I have no reason to live. I don't want to live. Perhaps I should start at the beginning...

My name is Hermione Granger. I'm 17 years old. I'm also a witch. I was born to muggles. When I first found out about me being witch I thought it was the happiest day of my life. My fairy-tale wishes came true. I recall pinching myself repeatedly to make sure that it's not just a dream. When I went to the Diagon Alley and bought my supplies I knew it must be true. I wowed to myself that no matter what I will learn all that I can about the wizarding world and all the spells there are. Once I started Hogwarts I kept my wow and I read as many books as I could. That caused people to label me as "the book-worm", "know-it-all"and other hurtful names. That didn't stop me though. I knew I could go far. At start I had no friends until I was attacked by a mountain troll that got locked in my bathroom. Harry, Ron and I had become friends then. I helped them with their homework and they in turn got me into a lot of trouble. We had been through alot of struggles and fights together and I would die for them. I almost did. You see, when my friend Harry was born a prophecy was made. He was supposed to be the only man that could defeat the Dark Lord. Harry has fought against his his whole life. All that time I was with him.

I'm sure you have read the Daily Prophet and you know all about the struggles of the boy-who-lived. Well I was there. I could give you the first hand account of most of it. That is not the reason for this though. This is supposed to be mostly about me. Just for once. I have already written enough about Harry. Well like in pretty much everyone's life in mine also he plays a role.

In my first year at Hogwarts I have learned alot and succesfully made two good friends. I would believe it to be a good year. The next was rather disturbing. The Chamber of Secrets turn out to be very real and as you surely know (it was opened through a diary which was the first of Riddle's horcruxes). Slytherin's monster- as I have discovered was a Basilisk. I was petrified and this is where our hero comes in- Harry figured out my hints I left when I was petrified and went after and killed the monster. I was revived and returned home for holidays.

During the third year of Hogwarts Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban and a werewolf taught at our school, of course I was the only one to figure out the fact he was a werewolf. We have discovered Black's innocence ( which doesn't mean that he isn't a maniac) and that Ronald's rat isn't in fact a rat but an animagus- Peter Pettigrew who is responsible for Harry's parents death. Nevertheless that didn't stop Ronald from being a complete prick to me. Honestly he wasn't being a very good friend then. (I'm not saying he is now)

In fourth year I helped Harry to accomplish all of the Triwizard Tournament. He reached the Triwizard Cup and it turned out to be a portkey that transported him to a graveyard where Riddle's father was burried and where a Dark Ritual was about to happen. It was to bring Dark Lord back to life (now don't get me wrong- he WASN'T dead before but he was only a spirit) the ritual was carried through and Lord Voldemort was amongst living once more. Our hero couldn't stop that but he did espace and alerted Dumbledore. Of course no one would believe him but hey he tried. I forgot to mention that I had my first boyfriend that year- the very famous quidditch star Victor Krum. He was a sweet guy but Ronald couldn't live with the thought of me being happy so he had to ruin it for me. Anyway moving on the next year was quite eventful with the Ministry trying to interfere with the Hogwarts. Fudge sent his left hand Dolores Umbridge. Harry started having dreams about the Department of Mysteries and one of such dreams lead him to chase there to "save" Sirius whom he believed was there being held hostage by Voldemort. He ended up being tricked inot leading five others into danger. Ron was attacked by a brain (don't ask), Neville had his nose broken, Ginny broke her ankle, Luna only got knocked out and I got hit by a spell from a Death Eater. It wasn't pleasant experience. Harry got burned once again. His love for playing the hero caused Sirius' death. In return he proved Voldemort being alive again to the wizarding world.

During sixth year we found out some information on how to make Dark Lord mortal and how to kill him. Unfortunately Dumbledore got killed by the traitor Snape and Draco was forced on run because he played his part in Dumbledore's death and because "The Hero" of the Wizarding World hares him. That should be reason enough. Not many people know that Draco was under Imperius curse after refusing to have anything to do with it.

I didn't know that much about Draco's case then. I found out that much during the next year when I ( because of Harry's wishes) abandoned my studies to help him in search for the four remaining Horcruxes. First of all we returned to Ron's place for Fleur and Bill's wedding. The next stop (despite both Ron an Harry's complaints) was Grimmauld Place because I had slight idea about one of the Horcruxes. I was correct. The locket that Sirius attempted to throw away was taken and hidden by the house-elf Kreacher. It was the Slitherin's locket. You can imagine Harry taking over my idea claiming it his own. He unsuccessfully tried to destroy it until he gave up and handed it over to me. I have already translated the runes that I have noticed around the locket and moved onto the next step- I was forced to follow the instructions the runes gave. I had to enter the locket ( as only a muggleborn was allowed to enter because the Dark Lord underestimated them gravely). I have destroyed the locket using straight-forward logic that was supposed to be the only way.

Our next stop was the Godric's Hollow. I believed that (using part of Dumbledore's theory) that With the death of Harry, Voldemort would create his last and 7th Horcrux. I was correct as Voldemort has left a Horcrux - It was Harry's mother's wedding ring - I assumed that Voldemort has run out of the Hogwart's founders' objects. I believe that Voldemort rather enjoys the idea of leaving person's personal belongings hidden inside the ruin of their house. He has already used the same idea with Morfin's ring. I started to get slightly bored with the Dark Lord's ideas. He was getting quite predictable. By then the riddle's diary has been destroyed, which I believe was the first horcrux- as Myrtle's murder was the first. The next was Morfin's ring - second murder while at Hogwarts, the murder of his father. The next memory (one of the memories Dumbledore obtained) was the death of Hepzibah. An old lady who owned the very prized Hufflepuff's cup and also the Slitherin's locket, which takes us to four horcruxes, Lily's wedding ring is the fifth horcrux and because he never got around to make the sixth horcrux- the one Harry's murder was supposed to assist he made his snake Nagini into a horcrux after the murder of the old muggle man that occurred three years ago. Of course the seventh fragment of Voldemorts soul is the one that occupies his body.

After logically thinking about the possible horcruxes we knew that we only had to find the cup and Nagini. When we found the ring burried under the ruin of Harry's home he didn't belive my theory about the ring. he insisted on wearing it close to his heart which I didn't find wise because I somehow felt there was something wrong with it. I performed few simple charms to see if I can find out anything to help us destroy it. That was where Ronald came in. He being the stupid prick he always is took it and put it on as a "joke", as if he didn't know that it was full of dark magic, not only he couldn't take it off but also his finger turned nasty bluish colour which rapidly changed into black and believe it or not it started rotting and we had no other choice than to chop it off. Ron wasn't happy but it was the only way. The "disease" started spreading leaving us no choice. When a "sacrifice"was made the ring melted and reformed with a message written in foreign language appeared on it.

As you can guess I figured it out to be a mixture of Parseltongue and old Gaelic Language. With Harry's help on the parseltongue bit we translated the message which turned out to be a riddle. I have figured it out and we destroyed that horcrux as well. It was about then when Ron started abusing me. At first verbally and later he started hurting me. I thought it had something to do with the horcrux which forced him to loose a finger. He blamed me. I hav told him and Harry not to mess with it because it contained part of Dark Lord's soul and therefore it was very dangerous, but no, they wouldn't listen to "a mudblood know-it-all" as Ron called me. At first Harry didn't know but once he saw Ron trying to punch me. He didn't stop him. He just let it happen.

We still had to find the Hufflepuff's cup. We retraced all the places that Voldemort has been to that we knew of. Surprisingly enough when we went to Borgin and Burkes (which has been closed the previous year) we found a secret passage bellow the store. It was quite similar to the place he has left the locket. Nevertheless to destroy we had to take it back to Hogwarts.

It was a stormy, cold night when we got there. Harry went to the new Headmistress McGonagall to ask her if we could stay for couple of days maybe a couple of weeks. His wish was granted of course. We were to stay in the spare rooms. All of us had the same strange feeling about coming back to the place that has been our home for such a long time. We each went our separate ways, Harry ran off to the quidditch pitch closely followed by the side-kick Ron. I on the other hand found my legs taking me towards the Astronomy tower where I used to go to think. I found the view was as breath-taking as ever. I felt like I could see the world from there. So high, I felt like jumping. I wondered if that was the only way of getting rid of Ron and the responsibility that came with being friends with Harry. I wondered how long it will take me to hit the ground, about the feeling of the air pushing my body. I didn't jump. I looked bellow and saw Dumbledore's tomb shinning brightly. Somehow I knew I couldn't. Yet.

I ran back inside the castle, through the corridors hoping to find a place where Harry and Ron wouldn't find me. Believe it or not I found myself pacing on the seventh floor past the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. Soon a highly polished door appeared into the wall. Without hesitation I opened the door to find a nice room alot like Griffindor common room except smaller with bed and two squashy armchairs positioned near the fireplace. I sighed and proceeded towards the bed only to find that someone was already there.

Draco Malfoy was sitting on the bed with a book in his lap. He seemed so astonished that his mouth was hanging open and he was openly staring at me. I was quite surprised but was first to recover, stuttering my apology (only to hate myself for not only stuttering but apologising to Malfoy!) He finaly shut his mouth and stopped me saying that he was just surprised because he thought that no one could ever find him there. Well I thought that too. Obviously we were both wrong. I was about to run out of there to raise alarm as he was one of the people who have caused Dumbledore's death. When I got to the door he was already there blocking the way "Don't Hermione, I didn't want to. They made me. Let me explain". I felt it was the right thing to do and also I didn't want to have to face Ron and Harry, so I sat down into one of the squashy armchairs and looked at him waiting. He explained to me about the Imperius curse and the threats. The longer I sat there and listened to his story the more I believed him and to my own astonishment I found that I trust him. I ended up staying the night telling him about what has been going on for the last year as he has been locked in here since that night that Dumbledore died.

When I told him about the horcruxes he told me to bring the cup as he thought he might have an idea. I did as he told me. I trusted him. I also didn't want to go back to Harry and Ron just yet. I would feel that I have to tell them about Malfoy. So I stayed. We talked the whole night and he figured out a way to destroy the horcrux. He believe it or not hated Voldemort as much as you or I do. He successfully destroyed it. I couldn't tell Ron or Harry because they would want to leave immediately. I wanted to stay, they believed that I stayed in the library trying to figure out a way to destroy the cup. Meanwhile I was getting to know Draco better. We have grown very close during the couple weeks. I could confide in him about anything and so I told him about Ron. It had taken a great effort to restrain Malfoy from leaving the Room of Requirement to hex Ron unconscious. Draco had overreacted about the information so much that it made me wonder if he wants to hurt Ron because of what he did to me or because he hated Ron for as long as I can remeber.

Draco and I have grown very close. Alot closer than just good friends. He was the first man I ever truly loved. Trust me I tried all I could to stay at Hogwarts for as long as I could. After about month into our stay the winter started and the blizzards got so bad that Harry and Ron had to stay inside instead of endless Quidditch, that was a bad news for me because they have noticed the fact that I was there so Ron's abuse started again ( he was rather tired after the long hours of quidditch practices with Harry- they have volunteered to train the students). One day when I came back from Draco they were already waiting for me claiming that they were looking for me in the library but couldn't find me anywhere not even locate me on the Marauders Map. I knew that I was in some serious trouble then. Ron seemed to be watching my every step. For few days I had to skip visiting Draco. After a while I couldn't take it anymore. I sneaked out to see him. What I didn't know that Harry and Ron were watching me hidden under the Invisibility Cloak. They followed me into the Room of Requirement to find me embracing Draco.

Ron went crazy. He punched me in stomach, as Draco stepped in to stop him Ron whipped out his wand and went to Crucio Draco. I struggled to get up to stop him. All that time Harry just stood there watching. I pleaded him to stop Ron. He just let it happen because according to him I was a traitor just as much as Draco. I couldn't take it anymore I physically tried to restrain Ron. But he didn't budge. Draco's screaming was echoing inside my head. I felt as if Ron was Crucioing me as well as Draco. When Harry finally stepped in and Ron lifted the Unforgivable curse off Draco just fell limply to the ground. As I embraced him I could feel the life slowly draining out of his body. It was too late. Harry took Ron out of there leaving me with my beloved Draco. I kissed him hopelessly trying to return some of his life back. I couldn't. With Draco's last death my heart shattered.

I don't know how long I have stayed holding onto his lifeless body. Then I finally stood up and left I came here. Now I'm at the top of the Astronomy Tower writing the record of how 'the-boy-who-lived' did hardly anything to make Voldemort mortal. A story about how it really was. The story behind the famous wizard and his unknown friend. A story about me. For the first time (and also the last) I'm sharing my feelings with the world, with you. If you find this Harry I just want you to know that I'm disappointed in you as a friend. Draco and I (the traitors) have destroyed the horcrux. Now there is only Nagini and Dark Lord left. I trust you and Ron can kill both. My work in this world is done. I am no longer needed. There is no reason for me to live.Goodbye Your Hermione.

_Hermione climbed onto the wall on the top of the Tower. Tears streaming from her eyes were freezing on her cheeks. She looked around taking in the amazing view for the last time. Then she stepped forward off the tower. She didn't scream as she was falling. She just waited, counting seconds before her life would end._

_**the end**_

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_(Author's Note: I hope you liked it, that's my first story so I hope it wasn't too bad- maybe too long- too much stuff that everyone knows, please review I need your opinions and criticism so I can get better. ;-) ok please R &R._


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